Calvin gets in trouble

In case you missed it on Facebook, Calvin got into trouble at school on Wednesday, Sept. 11th. He hadn't even been in Kindergarten a week before I got a call from his teacher.

When the phone rang, I saw the school's name on the caller ID. Oh no....My first thought...Karcyn. She had been absent Monday and Tuesday, due to illness and she had been fine for 36 hours. But it wasn't the nurse or her teacher. It was Calvin's teacher. She started the conversation by talking about my offering to volunteer in her classroom. And then she transitioned into an issue that had come up with Calvin that day.

She said he's been having trouble keeping his hands to himself and today, he had made a fist and punched a classmate! She knew he had done it but when she asked him if he did, offering him an opportunity to be honest and accountable for his actions, he completely denied it. (Yup, that sounds like Calvin).

His name clip had been on green (like a stoplight...green being good, yellow being a warning, etc.) but because of the seriousness of his actions, she made him move it directly to red, which means there's a big problem and parents would be contacted. Calvin's teacher spent some time talking to him about his behavior, why it was wrong and reinforced the school and class rules which are: be safe, be respectful, be responsible. Then she told him because of what he did, she was going to call his mom and let her know.

She said he responded to that with a slight challenge in his voice and said, "You don't know my mom's phone number." Like "go ahead, Lady, I dare ya." She actually kind of chuckled when she told me this. I don't know if it was because she was shocked or impressed with his audacity.

She made a point to share with me some of Calvin's positive attributes--he's very smart and a good reader, eager to learn. Then she wondered if we might be able to visit with Calvin about his behavior at school.

I cackled a laugh and assured her that Jared and I would do more than just "visit" with him. When our kids get in trouble at school they get in worse trouble at home.

When Calvin got home from school an hour or so after the phone call, I told him that his teacher had called me. He said he knew. I asked him who he punched. He said he hit a girl! (What???) I calmly explained to him he should never hit a girl. Ever. And asked him what happened. He said she was teasing him.

"What was she saying?"

Looking hurt he said, "She was calling me a bully!" Ohhh, the irony. And then I told him that when someone does things to other people to hurt them (like calling them names or hitting them) they are being a bully. I also told him if he does that again, he could very likely be kicked out of school.

I told him if someone is bothering him to walk away. He quickly countered, "but we're supposed to sit in our seats and not get up." Apparently, he hit the girl he sits next to in class. That's when I encouraged him to ignore it and if that doesn't work to ask his teacher for help. I really, really hope this isn't a preview for Calvin's educational career.

Part of his consequence here at home was writing apology notes to his teacher and his friend. He spoke them, I dictated.

Dear My Friend,
I'm sorry that I hitted you. It was wrong. Will you forgive me?
Love,
Calvin

Dear Mrs. P,
I'm sorry I was in a bad mood. This time I'll keep my hands to myself. I'm going to be safe, responsible and respectful.
Love,
Calvin

Calvin lost electronic privileges that might be his that day and on the weekend for this behavior. The next evening, happened to Back to School night. When it was done, Jared and I went to see his teacher and introduced ourselves as Calvin's parents. We told her not to worry, that we have her back and apologized for Calvin's behavior. We pledged we would work harder to help him react appropriately to things, since what we're doing doesn't seem to be working.

She told us that when he came in to class that morning, he said very seriously, "I have an apology letter for you." She asked him if he wanted to get it for her. He said, "No, I'll give it to you later" and that's what he did. At an appropriate time even. We shook our heads and said, "He's 5 going on 15." She laughed and said that his mannerisms are definitely beyond his years. She was happy to report he had a much better day and his clip ended on blue, which, although not a part of a stoplight, is above the green. Green is good, but blue is best. And I say, "Anything but red!"